The Leftovers (Season 1, HBO, 2014) - 8/10 raptured bagels. enticing premise, absolutely stellar acting, really great dramatic moments mixed with a healthy dash of suspense. can get slow and a little bit “deep”.
premise of the show: 2 years ago, 2% of the world’s population disappeared into thin air. the show revolves around the sheriff’s impacted family and trying to hold himself, his family, and his town together.
general review: this show is about AMBIGUITY and this show is about LOSS. it’s very bleak, and the show has taken a very strong beating for how bleak it is. it’s beautifully ambiguous. LOST was ambiguous but ambiguous in the most annoying, frustrating way possible, with eternal conspiracy theory blue balls. but this show really sells it and makes me appreciate it and thrive in it. is the main character going crazy? is the cult crazy or do they actually know something? is the prophet a lie? what was the “rapture”?
there are three absolute standout episodes, ep 3 (revolving around a pastor), ep 6 (revolving around someone who lost people in the rapture), and the finale, all of which were crazy and gripping and OMG.
the show does a LOT of philosophizing on loss and moving on and should we move on maybe we shouldn’t move on, how do people cope with change, that is not necessarily totally up my alley. BUT OMG the acting. the music choices are also really great.
that said, it is definitely a thinking person’s show and there is an infinite number of things to discuss and write papers about. like about 80% of this went over my head: http://morningafter.gawker.com/praying-for-time-when-nothing-else-matters-the-leftove-1632573804
also, justin theroux: http://gawker.com/justin-theroux-discusses-his-big-floppy-dick-1630531794
it’s weird seeing justin out of character, but his line “yeah, i get each script and i’m like WHOA i’m crying AGAIN” was hilarious because…. he does a lot of crying.
justin theroux is SO GREAT in this show. acting wise, wow. he is also not hard on the eyes. and there’s this line from the finale, where this really scrawny guy goes “i got you some clothes… i couldn’t give you mine because we have… different physiques” which was very funny and very wonderful. [mason’s favorite twins also make an appearance]
SPOILERS!!!!! show discussion:
omg. that. finale. fun fact: the show is based off a book, and season 1 basically wraps up everything that’s covered in the book. (they have been renewed for a second season but who knows what they will do) but what a satisfying finale. YES, when lori screams jill and it’s her ONLY LINE of the entire show. chills. when carrie coons breaks out into tears upon seeing her family. chills. when the dog comes back and he’s a happy family again. when he rushes into the house to save jill. when carrie coons says that she has to leave. when he returns to town and all hell has broken loose. WHAT DID HE WISH FOR
i really loved the carrie coons episode, guest, where she goes to the conference. WAS she going crazy??? does wayne truly have powers?? WHY WAS EVERYONE ANSWERING THE QUESTION THE SAME WAY???????
What we learn from Nora Durst—her entire NYC bottle episode was about this one single idea—is that there is nothing vainer or more selfish than hope, if you do it wrong. She was using microexpressions and her intense charisma to manipulate people into believing in Heaven because she wanted so much to believe that her dumb family was in Heaven: That’s about as selfish as it gets; she was preying on the grieving. She was no different from Patti or Holy Wayne, in this way, but once she understood that, from the inside out, she was able to shut it down. And move on, and up, and inward, faster than anybody else, and with such a force that in the end, even Jill can just see it on her.
and yes the pastor reversal of fate episode was crazy and yes the roulette wheel scene was great and the robbery scene was great and omg.
i know there’s a lot of stuff to discuss about the show; from my viewing of the show, i really wonder about the main reason d’etre of the guilty remnant. because i thought they existed because they wanted humans to become totally apathetic to guard themselves from any future loss (which is why they have to give up everything from their prior life and only wear white and only eat slop) and live a total ascetic lifestyle. but then their final grand gesture is to make everyone remember? do they do that because they want everyone to realize how stupid and weak they are for caring? or do they view it as the ultimate obligation to remember those who departed? but man. that was crazy.
In some cases, understanding why someone stays is easy. A lot of women are afraid that their abuser would try to harm them if they leave. And with good reason: about a third of female homicide victims were killed by a spouse, lover, or ex-lover; and that’s not counting the women who are “merely” beaten, stalked, and so forth. Staying in a case like this, at least until you had figured out how to leave safely and cover your tracks, is not mysterious or perplexing.Moreover, while I think the assumption that battered women stay because they are just dumb, or have staggeringly bad judgment, is wrong and insulting, there are a whole lot of battered women, and it would be very surprising ifnone of them stayed for such reasons. We asked women who came to our shelter when the abuse had started; one woman told me that her husband had thrown her from a moving car on their first date, at which point I wondered silently why on earth there had been a second date, let alone a subsequent marriage. But in my experience such women were a vanishingly small minority.What is hard to understand, I take it, is why women who do not have obviously bad judgment, and who do not take themselves to be in serious danger if they leave, stay anyways. So I turn to them.
To start with, it helps to know that (last time I checked) the two most common times for violence to start were the honeymoon and the first pregnancy. By the time you reach either point, you’re already in a pretty serious relationship, and leaving is not something that anyone would do lightly.
Moreover, the violence often comes as a real surprise. It’s not that there aren’t signs: there are. But they are often things like: he falls for you too hard and too fast, or: he wants to be with you all the time. You’d have to be either paranoid or a victim of a previous abusive relationship to leap to the conclusion that either of these things means that abuse might be in your future. (Imagine, in particular, someone whose last relationship was with someone who didn’t seem to care about her: imagine her saying to herself: last time he didn’t care enough; this time he seems to care too much; am I impossible to please?)
So imagine yourself, in love with someone, on your honeymoon or pregnant, when suddenly this guy just goes ballistic, often for very little reason, and hits you. For a lot of women, this is profoundly shocking and disorienting. There are things that are comprehensible parts of the world, even if they’re rare, like having your car stolen; and then there are things that are unexpected in a completely different sense, like having your car turn into an elephant before your eyes: things that make you wonder whether you’re completely crazy. Being beaten up by someone who apparently loves you is one of those things.
What this means is that precisely when a woman needs as much confidence in her own judgment as she can muster, the rug is completely pulled out from under her. And it’s not just that she questions her judgment because she got involved with this guy in the first place; she questions her judgment because something so completely alien to the world she thinks she knows has just happened.
Under the circumstances, it is very, very hard to say: well, OK, I am married and/or pregnant, I am in this serious relationship, but I will nonetheless decide to leave, now, because I think I have to, and I trust my judgment. Trusting your judgment at that moment is like trusting your sense of balance when someone has just poured a fifth of vodka down your throat.
Besides that, there’s also the Jekyll/Hyde phenomenon. If I had a nickel for every woman who has said to me, “It’s like he was two people! Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!, I’d be a wealthy woman today. When I first heard this, I didn’t entirely believe it. I thought: maybe Mr. Hyde abuses her, and Dr. Jekyll turns that same abusive streak on himself, beating himself up with guilt. (Abusers are very big on heartfelt apologies.) Maybe the thought of him as two people is just easier to bear than the thought that one and the same person one loves has done this. Who can say?
Then I encountered Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde myself. One fine evening, a guy I was involved with, a guy who was normally kind and decent and funny, suddenly went nuts. He started accusing me of all sorts of that were truly insane. (You’ll have to trust me on this one: things that there was no reason in our relationship or my character for him to suspect me of, not a scintilla of evidence to support, and that would have been wildly implausible aboutanyone.) He followed me around the house, screaming and screaming, for about ten hours. (You might wonder, why didn’t I leave the house? Answer: it was on the outskirts of Ankara, at night, and there was nowhere to go and no public transportation.)
In the morning I left to walk around and try to figure out what had happened, in the kind of absolute daze I described above. I was basically wandering around, all day, with a little thought balloon saying “??????” When I came back, he was appalled by what he had done, and not in the “I am beating up on myself” way I had always imagined, but in the way a normal person would be, if a normal person had somehow done something like this. It was completely baffling. It really was as though he was two people.
I did not leave then. He did it again four days later. After that I thought: right. It is conceivable to me that someone might do this once. But if he felt the way he seemed to afterwards, then having done it, nothing like that would happen again for, oh, at least several decades. The fact that it happened again four days later means that something is going on that is above my pay grade, and that I should not so much as begin to imagine that I can deal with. I flew home shortly thereafter.
But consider my advantages. While I have the usual run of horrid insecurities, underneath it all I am reasonably self-confident. Nothing in my background or upbringing would in any way make it hard for me to leave. I’m a feminist. Moreover, at this point I had been working in battered women’s shelters for several years. That was crucial: I knew that this was emotional abuse, in a pretty strict sense of that term, and that that meant that it was very, very unlikely to change. I was, therefore, not inclined to second-guess myself, and that was immensely important.
With all that, I did not leave the first time.
also, 50 reasons why victims stayed:
Janay Rice, wife of suspended NFL player Ray Rice, slammed the media Tuesday but stood by her husband.
A day after his team fired him and the league suspended him for knocking her out during a fight, the football player’s wife called the situation a nightmare.
Rice’s wife defends him, criticizes media NFL: Won’t rule out Rice playing again
"To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing," she wrote in an Instagram post. "To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is a horrific (sic)."
The Baltimore Ravens released Ray Rice on Monday after a video surfaced showing him punching his then-fiancee and dragging her limp body out of an Atlantic City casino elevator.
He was originally suspended for two games over the February fight, a punishment that many considered too lenient.
Rice was just weeks away from returning to the gridiron when the new video surfaced, spurring swift responses from the Ravens and the NFL that sent his professional football career grinding to halt.
On Tuesday, his wife said she now feels like she’s mourning the death of her closest friend.
"No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family," she wrote.
But she said her family will “continue to grow & show the world what real love is.”
"THIS IS OUR LIFE!" she wrote. "What don’t you all get."
Later Tuesday, Janay Rice defended her husband to ESPN.
"I love my husband. I support him," Janay Rice said, according to the network. "I want people to respect our privacy in this family matter."
i don’t know how i feel about this. my lunch group thinks she’s crazy. and i’m aware of people who are domestically abused to not think rationally.
but i also do understand how this is probably upsettingly a cornerstone of the news cycle lately [and trivia team names apparently*]; probably hurting her just as much as it’s hurting ray rice; and most importantly, what happens if it was a totally one off thing that he has been contrite about? is domestic abuse something where it happens once and you forever have a black mark and should be punished forever for it? maybe they worked through it. but you make one mistake years ago (not to trivialize the situation—it’s very terrible and i almost definitely wouldn’t have continued on to marry someone who knocked me unconscious) and you should be punished a lifetime for it? and maybe you should be punished a lifetime for it. is that a conversation worth having?
but domestic abuse i’m guessing is also rarely a one off thing.
*The worst thing about an NFL wedding? Getting hit in the face with Rice
Ursula (St. Peter Meets: Disney Villains)
via ‘St. Peter Meets’, A New Web Series About Disney Villains Trying to Get Into Heaven When They Die - http://laughingsquid.com/st-peter-meets-a-new-web-series-about-disney-villains-trying-to-get-into-heaven-when-they-die/
a nice counterpoint to the other entry. boring people give boring responses, but boring people also ask boring questions. also have i posted this entry!? anyway, it’s fine. i just spent awhile talking to a friend about it last night so i am REPOSTING
When Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your day?”
This question was like a spotlight pointed directly at the chasm between his experience of a “DAY” and my experience of a “DAY.” How was my day?
The question would linger in the air for a moment while I stared at Craig and the baby shoved her hand in my mouth like they do — […] And I’d want to say:
How was my day? Today has been a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was saturated — just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed with so much to do. Today was too much and not enough. It was loud and silent. It was brutal and beautiful. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. At 3:30 today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at 3:35 I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. Husband — when your day is completely and totally dependent upon the moods and needs and schedules of tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats your day is ALL OF THE THINGS and NONE OF THE THINGS, sometimes within the same three minute period. But I’m not complaining. This is not a complaint, so don’t try to FIX IT. I wouldn’t have my day Any.Other.Way. I’m just saying — it’s a hell of a hard thing to explain — an entire day with lots of babies.
But I’d be too tired to say all of that. So I’d just cry, or yell, or smile and say “fine,” and then hand the baby over and run to Target to wander aisles aimlessly, because that’s all I ever really wanted. But I’d be a little sad because love is about really being seen and known and I wasn’t being seen or known then. Everything was really hardto explain. It made me lonely.
So we went went to therapy, like we do.
Through therapy, we learned to ask each other better questions. We learned that if we really want to know our people, if we really care to know them — we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers. We need to ask questions that carry along with them this message: “I’m not just checking the box here. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. I really want to know you.” If we don’t want throwaway answers, we can’t ask throwaway questions. A caring question is a key that will unlock a room inside the person you love.
So Craig and I don’t ask “How was your day?” anymore. After a few years of practicing increasingly intimate question asking, now we find ourselves asking each other questions like these:
When did you feel loved today?
When did you feel lonely?
What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?
What can I do to help you right now?
I know. WEEEEEIRRD at first. But not after a while. Not any weirder than asking the same damn empty questions you’ve always asked that elicit the same damn empty answers you’ve always gotten.
And so now when our kids get home from school, we don’t say: “How was your day?” Because they don’t know. Their day was lots of things.
Instead we ask:
How did you feel during your spelling test?
What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess?
Did you feel lonely at all today?
Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?
And I never ask my friends: “How are you?” Because they don’t know either.
Instead I ask:
How is your mom’s chemo going?
How’d that conference with Ben’s teacher turn out?
What’s going really well with work right now?
Questions are like gifts — it’s the thought behind them that the receiver really FEELS. We have to know the receiver to give the right gift and to ask the right question. Generic gifts and questions are all right, but personal gifts and questions feel better. Love is specific, I think. It’s an art. The more attention and time you give to your questions, the more beautiful the answers become.
Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.
i also found these two links, which were great
25 Ways To Ask Your Kids “So how was school today?” Without Asking them “So how was school today?”
#1. What was the best thing that happened at school today? (What was the worst thing that happened at school today?)
#2. Tell me something that made you laugh today.
#3. If you could choose who would you like to sit by in class? (Who would you NOT want to sit by in class? Why?)
#4. Where is the coolest place at the school?
#5. Tell me a weird word that you heard today. (Or something weird that someone said.)
#6. If I called your teacher tonight what would she tell me about you?
#7. How did you help somebody today?
#8. How did somebody help you today?
#9. Tell me one thing that you learned today.
#10. When were you the happiest today?
#11. When were you bored today?
#12. If an alien spaceship came to your class and beamed up someone who would you want them to take?
#13. Who would you like to play with at recess that you’ve never played with before?
#14. Tell me something good that happened today.
#15. What word did your teacher say most today?
#16. What do you think you should do/learn more of at school?
#17. What do you think you should do/learn less of at school?
#18. Who in your class do you think you could be nicer to?
#19. Where do you play the most at recess?
#20. Who is the funniest person in your class? Why is he/she so funny?
#21. What was your favorite part of lunch?
#22. If you got to be the teacher tomorrow what would you do?
#23. Is there anyone in your class that needs a time out?
#24. If you could switch seats with anyone in the class who would you trade with? Why?
#25. Tell me about three different times you used your pencil today at school.
#1. Where in the school do you hang out the most? (Like a particular hall, classroom, parking lot, etc.) Where in the school do you never hang out?
#2. What would your school be better with? What would your school be better without?
#3. If you were a teacher what class would you teach? What class would be the worst to teach? Why?
#4. What was the coolest (saddest, funniest, scariest) thing that you saw today.
#5. Tell me one thing that you learned today.
#6. If your day at school today was a movie what movie would it be?
#7. Besides walking to their next classes, what else do people do in the halls in between classes?
#8. Who do you think you could be nicer to?
#9. What is your easiest class? What is your hardest class? OR What class are your learning the most in? What class are you learning the least in?
#10. If they played music in the halls at school what would everyone want them to play over the loudspeaker?
#11. If you could read minds what teachers mind would you read? What classmates mind would you read? Whose mind would you NOT want to read?
#12. If today had a theme song what would it be?
#13. Which class has your favorite group of students in it? Which class has the worst group of students?
#14. What do you think you should do more of at school? What do you think you should do less of?
#15. What are the top 3 (or 5) things that you hear people say in the halls?
#16. What do you think the most important part of school is?
#17. Tell me one question that you had today…even if it wasn’t answered….actually, especially if it wasn’t answered…
#18. What class has the most cute boys/girls in it?
#19. If an alien space ship landed at your school who would you like them to beam aboard and take back to their home planet?
#20. Who did you help today? Who helped you today?
#21. If you could be invisible for the day at school what would you do?
#22. What part of the day do you look forward to? What part of the day do you dread?
#23. What would you change about school lunch?
#24. What classmate is most likely to be arrested, made president, become a millionaire, be in movies, let loose a flock of wild chickens in the library, etc.
#25. If you had to go to only one class every day which class would it be?
#26. Tell me one thing you read at school today.
#27. If your day at school was an emoticon which one would it be?
#28. What do you think your teachers talked about in the faculty room today after school?
Some people manage to travel the world, volunteer for the sick, grow up in a small town in Nevada, grow up in the middle of New York, whatever; they take all this and vigorously flush it down the drain. And others can conjure a great story out of a bog-standard Monday at work.
I just don’t get how you can go out and *do* a bunch of things, yet *notice* so little, you know the drill; “I went to Europe” Cool, how was it? “The food was really good” - was that worth the plane ticket? These people are all about doing things. Wracked with the crushing boredom of their unperceptive lives they’ll decide to be spontaneous: “I went for a walk!” And, what did you see? “It was a really nice day out” How do you even live?!
sort of a more demanding take on: http://zf7.tumblr.com/post/91764708726/what-makes-a-person-boring-quora
we have the work workout club where you need to exercise X days/week, and the log is a social hullaboo. and it’s definitely one of those… you can make each of your workouts sound funny/interesting, but 1) you have to try and 2) you have to… perceive? you have to notice? you have to be searching?
i’m going on vacation in a month and am worried about a lot of things, one of which was dealing with the inevitable “OMG HOW WAS THE TRIP” questions. while before i used to regard them as a nuisance, i now think of them as basic tests of how interesting i am. which is to say, RIDICULOUSLY PHENOMENALLY INTERESTING.
on millennial regrets:
7. Not taking a year off to travel.
If you’re the type of Millennial who’s reading, you’ve probably had your nose to the grindstone since preschool. Travel (especially on the cheap) is the best way to figure out exactly who you are and how you fit into the world.
OMG i need to do a better job traveling apparently. is that a real statement though!? i need to be “FIGURING OUT EXACTLY WHO I AM” when i travel? *ponders* *decides to meet 100 people in a night the next time i travel and do the opposite of what his instincts tell him for 24 hours*
AM I WASTING MY LIFE?!?!?! so much pressure to be interesting. as i like to say, there’s no bigger sin in this day and age than being boring.
….which is why i’ve rambled on about this for 10 paragraphs. i do have to say daniel, when he wants to be, is an exceptional storyteller of the mundane. and the un-mundane, but it’s more impressive to be able to tell a mundane story well.